Sailboat for Sale
by bagnome
Summary: Nick gets the bright idea to purchase a sailboat, and Judy is not on board with the idea. Story inspired by the Toby Keith and Jimmy Buffet song, "Sailboat for Sale." One-Shot.


"You know, it's been two whole months since your bachelor party, and you still have three cases of beer in the pantry," Judy said as she attempted to start a conversation.

The patrol has been quiet and work has been slow despite them being in one of the more run-down parts of the city. They were patrolling an older industrial district down by the wharves on the south side of Zootopia. Most of the factories and other industrial complexes standing were built around the turn of last century at the height of the city's industrialization. Now, however, most of the buildings stand vacant and boarded up to fend off against vandals.

The sky is gray and overcast as the breeze from the bay brings unwanted humidity that dampens everything from the buildings and roads to the broken spirits of the few business left that are still struggling to survive. Slick rails embedded in the concrete and asphalt, crisscross about the roads, streets, and alleys as they connect to all the industries that they use to service in this once lively neighborhood that produced most of the goods that were exported for the world to consume. Now they solely service the wharves and piers as goods produced in foreign lands are offloaded from impressive vessels onto lengthy trains.

Nick smirked, "Well, we could always-" he began before being cut off by the radio.

"Unit fourteen, we have a burg reported on a small boat over at marina next to pier ten. The name of the boat is _The Whiskey River_ , and the owner goes by the name of Willie." The dispatcher said as the radio cracked.

Nick picked up the receiver and replied, "Unit fourteen, we'll check it out."

"Ten-four," the dispatcher confirmed.

* * *

As the cruiser pulled into the marina parking lot, the two officers got a good look at the slightly dilapidated state of the facility. The place's main office stood high above the rest of the marina atop of barnacle covered piles. The building itself consisted of rusted sheet metal. An air conditioner sat unevenly on one of the windows, looking like it would fall out at any minute. The windows and doors were barred and the few amenities it has, such as the vending machines, sat caged and locked in place to prevent vandalism and burglary. One must walk through the main office building to get to the marina as the entire facility was fenced off with large amounts of barbed wire to prevent trespassing.

The marina was not the biggest by any means, but it was not the smallest either. It looked like it could store roughly fifty boats of various sizes. The duo carefully walked the pier finding their boat, cautious to step over any planks that look like they might give out under their weight.

After passing some boats with more colorful names such as _The Sea Bitch_ , they found an old coyote standing on top of the boat they were looking for.

"You must be Willie," Judy said as she began to introduce her partner and herself, "I'm officer Hopps, and this is my partner, Officer Wilde. You reported a burglary?"

"Ah, yes, someone broke in and stole my fish finder, fishing rods, radio equipment, and all my beer." Willie was rubbing his chin as he recalled everything he remembered that went missing.

Nick was busy jotting the information down. "You have any idea who might want to break onto your boat?"

"I suspect it's some horse. I've caught him eyeing my ship from time to time. Have no idea which boat is his. Anyway, the damn horse can keep the beer, 'cause he never found ole' Willie's whiskey." He said with a hoarse laugh followed by coughing. He then unscrewed the cap to the flask he was holding, dipped his head back and took a swig.

Judy proceeded with taking pictures, scanning for clues, and dusting for fingerprints, as Nick continued to talk to Willie about his missing possessions and to record personal information.

"Hey Nick, you finish up. I'm going to head back to the cruiser." Judy said making her way off the boat.

"Alright sweetheart, I'll be done in a few minutes," Nick responded, not looking up from his notepad. After a few minutes, he turned his attention back to Willie. "Alright, that should do it. We'll have someone look into it and hopefully return your things."

"Thanks, laddie"

"You know, it'd be real neat to own one of these things. Take my wife out on the water and have a relaxing day." Nick said, looking around to all the other boats.

"It is indeed, a lot of people out here live on their boats. Sold my home and bought this one brand new. Other's just store their boats here for the cheap rent, but take them out rather regularly. If you're interested in buying one, old Jimmy on the other side of the marina is trying to sell his sailboat. Said he was getting up there in age and it was time for him to do so. I bet he'd be willin' to bargain with you over the price, even more so if you through some booze into the offer. I believe the name of his is the _Brown Eyed Girl_."

Nick then had a smile grow on his face. He knew what he would be doing once he was off his shift.

* * *

Judy was reclining back in bed while reading a book when her ears shot up to the noise of the front door's deadbolt being unlocked. She heard the door open and close again, and the deadbolt being re-engaged.

"Carrots, I'm home," she heard Nick say, just loud enough for his voice to carry back into the bedroom.

She looked up and saw him wearing a white captain's hat and a small plastic collapsible telescope tucked underneath his belt. "Honey, where were you? It's almost eight; and what's with the goofy sailor's get up?" She giggled.

"Two things, Carrots," he said holding up two fingers, "Firstly, I solved our dilemma of overstocked alcoholic beverages." She nodded, "And secondly, I was back at the marina talking to someone who was looking to sell his boat."

She put a hand up to stop him right there. "Okay, I think it's a bit premature for you to be thinking about your mid-life crisis, and you are not to consider buying a boat anytime in the near future."

Nick rolled his eyes, "Well Carrots, I'm not considering buying a boat because I already bought it." He put his trademark smirk on.

Judy's eyes widened and her mouth dropped in shock. "You what!" she shouted. Nick pinned his ears back and cringed at her shriek.

"Nick, how can you make such a big and stupid purchase without even thinking to mention it to me! Have you already forgotten that both of our paychecks go are now going into the same bank account after only two months?" She exclaimed with a hint of fire in her voice while she was repeatedly smacking the back of one of her hands into the palm of the other.

"Well, I bargained with him to lower the price, and I threw in two of those cases of beer we had and he dropped the price even more." He made a pinching gesture with his thumb and index finger to emphasize the low price he mentioned.

"And is 'bargaining' you keyword for hustling him?" She asked skeptically.

"I used some hustling techniques in my bargaining," Her glare at him only hardened, "but he seemed like he was going to sell his boat to the first offer anyway." He said as his voice got smaller.

"And what about storing the boat, huh; and maintaining it? That's going to cost a lot of money in the long run. We also have to buy fuel for it, pay for licenses, and more."

"Rent at the marina is more than affordable, it's a reliable vessel, it's also a sailboat, so we'd only be using the engines to get us in and out of the marina, and working for the city, licenses like that are at a discount," Nick answered, hoping to win her over. "We'll go out this weekend, and I'll show you how much fun it'll be."

She then threw a pillow at him. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight. I need room to think."

"Jud-"

"Out, Nick. Now" She said sternly, and he scurried out.

Once the door clicked closed, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Dumb fox is going to give me a migraine. What am I going to do with him." She moaned before laying herself down and turning the lamp off.

* * *

The following Saturday, the couple drove back down to the marina, this time in their personal vehicle. The weather was not much better than the last time they were there. This time, the morning fog engulfed their car.

"You know, this isn't exactly the part of town I'd want to be in unless I had to, Nick." She said as she drove through.

"Probably part of the reason why rent is so cheap." He replied as he reclined back in the passenger seat. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Judy giving him a quick glare.

"Couldn't you have picked a better day to go sailing? I can't see very far through this fog." She let out an irritated sigh.

"It'll clear out by lunchtime."

They found a parking space and made their way to Nick's newly acquired boat with a cooler full of beer and lunch supplies. The boat had a mast that folded down when it was not in use. It was not a very big boat but had enough room on the deck for a small party. The helm was situated around the midsection of the boat, sitting at the front of the deck, covered by an awning to keep it out of the elements. The helm itself consisted of two swiveling chairs, one which had the controls to pilot the boat situated in front of it. Between the chairs was a hatch that led down into a small cabin. The cabin contained two rooms, the small shower and toilet room, and the main room with a small bed, fold away table attached to the wall, and a small galley with a mini-fridge, two burner propane fueled range and a small sink. The accommodations were minimal for anyone who hoped to live on the boat for a short while at best.

 _This thing makes my old shoe box of an apartment look like a penthouse. Thank God we didn't trade our home to live in this thing._ She thought.

Nick began to maneuver the boat out of the marina like Jimmy had shown him. As soon as they cleared the final buoys, he cut the engines and proceeded to set up the sail.

"Hey Carrots, heads up!" Nick yelled. Judy looked around for what he was warning her about. At the last second, she turned her head to see the mast flying right at her and ducked at the last moment.

"Hey!" She screamed. "Do you even know what the hell you are doing?" She yelled back at him. She looked up at him to see him with one hand mindlessly manipulating cables and pulleys and the other with a yellow and black book titled, "Sailing for Dummies," held open as he was attempting to open the sail.

"Yeah, Jimmy gave me a run down before handing the keys over. Besides, foxes are quick learners."

He eventually got the sail working and they made their way out into the bay area.

Once he found a spot he liked, he anchored the ship. By the time they made their way out there the skies have also opened up, and the cold, breezy morning was now replaced with the warm radiance of the sun.

Now Nick decided to make lunch. "One turkey burger me," he said as he sat his plate down in front of his seat, "and a carrot based veggie burger for Officer Hopps. Now let's enjoy these burgers out here in paradise." He then popped two beers for the both of them.

"Nick, I thought I told you not to call me 'Officer Hopps' off duty anymore. And thank you, the burger is delicious." She said after she took a bite.

"Sorry, sometimes I still can't believe you're 'Missus Wilde now." He said with a grin.

She smiled back, but only for a second before she got up and ran over to the side of the boat where she puked over the rail.

"Come on Fluff, my cooking's not that bad." Nick chuckled as he walked over to her.

"No Nick, I've been feeling nauseous since not too long after we left the harbor." She said before puking some more. "Can you grab me a water?"

"Sure thing, Carrots. We do enough of this boating and you're sure to get your sea legs eventually." He walked over to the cooler and rummaged through it only to find that he, in fact, did not pack any bottles of water.

"Hey, uh Carrots. I don't think we have any water." He said, rubbing the back of his head.

"We what, Nick?" She said with frustration, "how can you not remember to pack water?"

"Don't worry, I'll just sail us back to shore," he looked up at the sail, "as soon as we get a gale." She gave him a glare of absolute death. "Or we could turn the engines on and motor our way back."

He raised anchor and through the throttle on, only for it to work momentarily before sputtering out.

"Please don't tell me we're out of gas, Nick."

"We might be." He said in the smallest voice possible.

She then took out her phone only to find that they were well out of any sort of service range.

"Great," she said, "We are stuck out here on the water, with no water to drink, it's starting to swelter, and we can't contact anybody and I bet we don't have a radio in this thing either."

He only let out a small nervous chuckle.

"Dammit, Nick!"

"Hey, once the wind picks back up, we'll be back on our way."

Unfortunately, the wind never picked up as the two of them sat there well into the afternoon. They both resolved to drink the rest of the beer to quench their ever-growing thirst.

"You know, maybe we'll drift off and land on an island where the economy is driven by the sale of margaritas," Nick said in his buzzed state of mind as he laid on the hot deck of the boat.

"Nick, I think you've had enough to drink." She said as she leaned over the rail, still sea sick.

She looked up for a moment to see a gray vessel in the distance. She ran over to Nick and yanked the telescope out from under his belt.

"Hey!" he complained.

"Hush you" She extended the telescope and looked through it. The ship she saw belonged to the Zootopia Port Authority, and it looked like it was moving towards them. "Finally." She mumbled.

"Looks like we have some help to get us back to shore," she said to Nick as she tossed him back the telescope.

She then pulled him to his feet and yanked him down to her eye level by his tie. "And when we get back to shore, you're putting this thing up for sale immediately, or I swear to God, you will be sleeping on the couch until you do." She said with a smirk and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Yes, ma'am." He said in defeat.

* * *

 **If you enjoyed this story, please take a moment to glance at my other Zootopia stories. They are all in the same respective timeline, but they can all be read as stand-alone, and they are all based on one country song or another.**


End file.
